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New Network Marketing Companies from Heck

As I contemplated the great new network marketing companies popping up these days, I realized something. Some industries just don’t work for network marketing!

Take a look at this tongue in cheek list of terrible ideas for MLM.

The List from Heck

1. The Bourbon Exchange
You know, front load about 50 cases, and you have to certify to the company that you used them all for your personal consumption.

Just imagine the opportunity meetings: Hi, My name is Carl, and I am a bourbon MLMer. Hi Carl!

2. S-U-Vie!
This could actually work. You join, you buy an SUV. Then, you recruit your closest friends to all buy SUV’s. Then, next month, you have to buy another SUV.

I know people who might go for this.

You’d have a great time at a company retreat. You’d all walk around the parking lot looking for which one is yours!

3. Candy Bar Fundraiser, but as an MLM
You get a box of candy, sell your neighbor a candy bar for $1. Then recruit them to sell candy bars for a small $50 fee to get a candy bar selling kit.

What a great idea in new network marketing companies!

Then, the school band gets 25 cents for every bar sold. For every thousand people you sign up, you can easily make $100.

4. Comedy-Star
You go to a comedy club. You watch the comedian and after every joke, you pay the person who arrived before you. And they pay the person who arrived before them and so on.

At the end, the comedian gets all her or his money from the person who arrived first.

Minus the two drink minimum.

To advance, you have to bring more people to the comedy club. When the club fills up, you open another one next door, and you get to tell the jokes.

5. Tahitian First!
In this MLM, you don’t buy products, you bring products: nails, padlocks and chains, and so on.

Instead of opportunity meetings, you stage protests and lock yourself to fruit trees and chant things like “no more juice” and “Berries Come First” or even “A sigh for Acai.”

It would make a great date.

Okay, as new network marketing companies go, this isn’t the best – that’s why it’s from heck!

The next one is pure fool’s gold.

6. The Politico Pyramid
This one almost defies description. After joining this one, you vote for who you think would be a great leader in the network marketing business.

Then, that person becomes part of a group of people who make rules and send money back to you.

Then, you send more money back to them. The more you send them, the more they send you, sometimes. Oh wait, this isn’t a new network marketing company, it’s just congress. Oops. Next.

7. Re-ORAC Plus
What an awesome idea! This new network marketing company is built around the most healthy foods, the best ORAC values, the purest ingredients in the world.

And we put it in baby food. You buy it by the case, and we’ll start with blueberry flavor. Once our volume reaches high enough, we’ll add cherry. Till then, feed those kids blueberry!

Due to manufacturing limitations, we can’t make it hard, it’s all like strained peas. We’ll fix that eventually. For now, make more babies to eat all that personal volume.

The list goes on...

I could go on. Perhaps a movie based MLM where you can only go to one theater or only see certain starts. Who knows – the sky is the limit.

Be happy your MLM isn’t like these new network marketing companies.

Hope this brightens your day – now go sign someone up!

For a look at the 7 Heavenly Virtues of MLM, check out my page on MLM People for the good side of those involved in network marketing.

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